My sister was always a happy, watch well-adjusted child, but things changed as a teenager. She seemed to construct two personalities, one really sweet and also one really hateful. We never knew which person we would certainly deal with. She would act the end whenever an additional of ours siblings was obtaining too much attention—partying, cut herself, having actually dramatic fights with our parents. She became an extremely promiscuous, and eventually finished up pregnant in ~ 16.

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Our parents tried to help her by search counseling, spending an ext time one ~ above one through her. Being about her was choose walking ~ above eggshells. We never ever knew once she would shed it. She would certainly steal points from united state (like our toothbrushes), threaten us with bodily harm. One time while i was pregnant, she threatened to kick me in the stomach so that my baby would die. She would likewise constantly pick at her skin and also hair come the suggest of fully spots and also bloody spots.

She finished up marrying the father and things appeared to improve–seemed more stable, she tho would look for attention (especially from our parents) in unhealthy ways, nothing together dramatic as before. She started working out obsessively and also started gaining plastic surgical procedure often…nose, boob job, face lift. She’s only 26.

Lately, regression. She began working because that my parents’ company when she had actually her baby at 17. She to be a difficult worker and an asset to the company, but probably lucky the my parents could give her a job, compared to what constant teenaged mothers face. She functioned for them because that 8 years, then chose to start an eBay organization together—her, she husband, and my parents.

Things began out well. She a go-getter and found plenty of product and lots of contacts. My mother was to execute shipping and also their physical storefront. She would execute listing online. My parents have their other business as well. Recently, things have gone south. She decided she doesn’t desire to share the revenues with my parents and has accused lock of stealing, no working, and trying to take over the eBay business. My parents have invested a lot of money into it, since she didn’t have capital. Things will be fine for a couple of days, then she will speak to my mother in a to the right of rage again and also say hurtful and hateful things. My mom is so stressed and never knows once it will occur again.

At this point, they space owed roughly $50,000. Yes sir money to pay them, however her and her husband won’t because they nothing “deserve it”. She phone call my mother screaming at her the she is exhilaration entitled, additionally threatens to call her clients because that her other business, informing them no to work with her. Mom is all set to offer up and give her everything, sever ties, because it is so toxic. I feel like that isn’t fair, together it will probably cause their gaue won ruin. What is wrong v my sister? my parents have done nothing but shot to assist and assistance her!


Dear SS,

Your sister sounds like she suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder, i m sorry you can read around here, here, and here. That is a disorder identified by fear of abandonment, paranoia under stress, moodiness, impulsivity, fury issues, absence of a stable sense of identification (thus every the plastic surgery, probably), suicidality, and also a emotion of emptiness. It regularly co-occurs through substance abuse, depression, and eating disordered behavior. A standard book around BPD is dubbed Stop wade on Eggshells, i m sorry you can understand from just how you explain life through your sister.

I know that girlfriend wish things were different, and also that you space angry on behalf of her parents. Yet keep in mind that they determined this road, and also it was likely since they themselves had actually their heads in the sand, hoping versus hope the this service partnership would be stable, allowing your sister to finally make that on her own, albeit v their help, and be happy and also successful. Unfortunately, your sister is can not to check out their assist for what it is, and instead, is cultivation angry and also paranoid (traits in BPD that are very much exacerbated by tension or pressure, here, from a growing business).

I suggest that you encourage her parents to reduced their losses. They are correct that this is a toxic situation, and their money is unlikely to it is in recovered. A sue is possible, yet most parents will certainly not perform this to your kids, and I believe that it would be an ext trouble than it is worth, unless they space truly destitute.

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As for you, I suggest that you perform some analysis on BPD, including the books on my list right here in the sections about challenging people and dysfunctional families. Friend may additionally want to read The Drama that the Gifted Child, about being the “good child” in the family and also how that impacts your development. If you have actually a therapist, you may want to check out the influence it’s may have had actually on her life to deal with your sister’s consistent issues. Firstly, she was outright abusive come you, and also living v her to be harrowing and, likely, traumatizing. Furthermore, countless siblings that dramatic, disordered siblings feel that they have actually unintentionally been placed in the duty of the “good” child and they shot at every times to minimization their requirements so as to limit the burden on your parents. This may be the instance with you, due to the fact that you are so affected and upset by her sister’s behavior toward her parents that you composed in come me. Back of food you’re upset on your behalf, friend may additionally be angry at her on her own, for constantly taking the fist of the family and also for destroying family events and also interactions. Plenty of BPD brother somehow control to steal the spotlight even at their siblings’ weddings, the birth of their kids, graduations, et cetera, and also I wonder if this has actually been the instance for you.

Best the luck, and keep me updated. Till we meet again, i remain, The Blogapist who Says, It deserve to Be very Hard To it is in “The an excellent One.”


Okay, I have a wonderful update on my sister and parents. Mine sister, through her husband’s suggestion, finished up going come counseling. She to be going weekly and also now is down to monthly and also the alters have been INCREDIBLE. She is likewise on a medication regimen. We have actually a partnership again, and also she doesn’t try to constantly cross limits like she used to. Mine parents have been may be to organize their boundaries with her and also have come back into the kingdom of healthy and balanced relationship as well. Ns am therefore proud of her and also the development she has made, and also I am additionally grateful for the difficult lessons we all learned concerning boundaries (among other things). I understand this isn’t a sure thing that she and also we will always be this healthy, however I am so thrilled she has actually been there for this many months. Assumed you’d favor to know!