This is an short article originally created for the Vice modern technology Issue entitled The technology of Teenage Kicks, in which me and also a hot guy from brand-new York each performed a clinical experiment to deduce what family items room the ideal to masturbate with. Right here is one excerpt. Click link to check out more. Enjoy!SHOWERHEAD

I to be a certain believer the the showerhead is oh my god gift come women. In fact, my love for the showerhead is so solid that I now associate taking a shower an ext with coming than I execute with clean myself. That perfect. The self-lubricating, it never ever sneakily do the efforts to placed itself in your ass, and also it leaves you feeling clean, as opposed to sticky and also smelling favor discharge. Masturbating v a showerhead is so great that I also have sexy dreams about it. Instead of being pummeled by Jamie Bell, I’m having an intimate moment in a roman inn bath with a beautifully crafted, antique showerhead. It’s for this reason romantic.

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Goodness of feeling: 9/10.Difficulty: room you kidding?Skeeze factor: This is a perfectly guilt-free, sanitary means of a pre-going-to-work frig.

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CAT’S TONGUEBack when I to be 14, i awoke native a naked mid-afternoon nap v my dog licking my vagina. And I might or might not have let her walk at it because that a few seconds before swatting her away. Unfortunately, ns wasn’t hardcore enough to try this again. My friend Hannah, however, loves letting she cat lick she pussy. She swears that receiving cunnilingus native an pet is way much better than from any kind of man tongue. I think her exact words were, “It’s like oohhhmygodooohhmmyyygooooood good.” and despite what you may have heard, cat tongue in reality feels way far better than dog tongue due to the fact that of the rough, sandpaperlike texture. This picture is a little shit, but shot getting her cat come pose for a photo 5 minutes after you’ve just tricked it into licking your vagina. Whoops, I average my friend’s vagina.

Goodness the feeling: 10/10Difficulty: It’s less complicated to toilet-train your cat, favor Charles Mingus did.Skeeze factor: v the roof and also probably illegal. Actually, wait—is dental sex v a cute fluffy pussycat illegal? It have to be.

A CUCUMBER

Anyone who states she’s never ever stuck food up she vagina is simply a fucking liar. Ago in high school, girls used carrots. Now that ns a little bit older and also my flesh cavern has extended out come the point that it’s verging top top baggy, I have actually moved on from slim-fit to super-plus tampons and use cucumbers rather than carrots. (If you make it come eggplant, did you do it gone also far.) Fucking yourself through a cucumber feel OK but not amazing. You certainly have to cover the in some type of lube first, otherwise it’s painful. Yet still, yes sir no clitoral stimulation, i m sorry is shitty. This is why i don’t know dildos. If it no vibrate and also your clit isn’t getting any action, it’s pointless to me. Gash-tly, even. Get it?

Goodness of feel: 3/10.Difficulty: Cinchy.Skeeze factor: i thought about cleaning it off and putting it ago in the fridge for around five minutes however decided versus it. The was really embarrassing when my roommate asked me why I’d thrown away a perfectly an excellent cucumber.

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VIBRATING TOOTHBRUSH

Alongside shampoo bottles and highlighters, the electrical toothbrush and also its slightly girthier cousin the Squiggle Pen room on the prior lines of teenage ladies’ ongoing war with their vaginas. It makes sense—anything that vibrates feels good on your clit, it is in it a washing machine, a vibrating bus seat, or Michael J. Fox. This vibrating digital toothbrush belongs to my roommate Dale. That doesn’t know I obtained it. Yet if you’re favor me and you’re too bad to purchased the Rabbit, a vibrating toothbrush will carry out the job. In regards to vibrating potential, this toothbrush was a little of a wuss and also I took 20 minute to “climax,” which was pretty boring and quite pains on the old clit.

Goodness the feel: 4/10Difficulty: basically what it’s make for.Skeeze factor: past the soreness and also boredom, this was an completely pedestrian wank.

BB GUN

I knew a goth girl who was into having her boyfriend fuck her v a BB gun that was modeled on the design of a Sig Sauer. She was likewise into cutting she arms open whenever she gained stressed, but on the whole she was OK. Fucking myself v a BB gun to be my tribute come her. Ns guess it to be OK because that the sheer new of it, yet it didn’t in reality feel the greatest. That was sort of sharp, slightly painful even. Yet the idea of gift fucked v a gun to be such a turn-on that i came more from the rush of adrenaline I got than i did native actual stimulation. It likewise helped come imagine the it was Bruce Willis law the defiling. Fantasizing around his big strong arms and also shiny bald head never fails to send me to satisfied Town, so the really assisted push me over the edge.

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Goodness that feel: 3/10.Difficulty: acquiring it in yes sir a little rough, but the rest is a breeze.Skeeze factor: Both nasty and weird.