The captain walked right into the room. "Hi, Captain," claimed the admiral. "Hi, Sir," responded the captain. "Call me Admiral." "Hi Admiral." The captain and admiral stepped forward. "Prime Minister, this is Captain Jones," stated Admiral Brown. "Pleased to satisfy you," stated the element minister.
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It looks best to me. The rule of capitalisation (based ~ above the Chicago manual of Style) are described quite well on this page. One of the rules appropriate to this concern is as follows:
Capitalize a person"s title once it comes before the name. Execute not capitalize as soon as the title is acting together a summary following the name.
Ms. Petrov, the chairperson of the company, will resolve us at noon.
At least according to CMOS, there room a few rules the apply. (Your mileage may vary v AP or Oxford rules, i just take place to have actually CMOS within grabbing distance.)
7.16 says that titles supplied in location of names in direct attend to are capitalized. (e.g., ""Hi, Captain"")
7.17 claims that titles offered alone in ar of a name are normally lowercased (e.g., "replied the captain").
(Edit: cited the not correct rule.)
That is correct. Titles are capitalized only as soon as they show up with a surname or once they are offered to address. Otherwise, once the word was standing alone, it is not capitalized.
Usually, once the title is local only come a group or one organization, it is not capitalized, eg:"the disaster monitoring head, Mr. X"....
Like Coleopterist said, the capitalization is good, the formality is a little bit off though. If you were trying to have actually a conversation through a Captain or an Admiral it would certainly be a bit more formal like, an excellent evening or great Afternoon, unless they are great friends. I know this is really off topic and also that you stated that girlfriend tried to do it look man-made but formality is additionally important.
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