I have been married come my wife for 10 year now. We have a beautiful 3 year old daughter, I have actually a lucrative job and also we room as happy as any kind of family could be… other than that I carry out not feel attracted to mine wife.

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As a elevator story, ns am 5 years younger than her. She has been the only human being I have had actually sex with and I literally lost my virginity come her. At the beginning, sex was amazing and regular. But after her demands of reaching an orgasm (which she always has done), i stopped getting to my very own orgasms. Sex ended up being quite monotonous and I lost all attention in it.

However, her sex drive has been the same and also she craves sex, but I truly feel nothing. She has a great body and all mine friends would choose to be with her, however my desire for her is nonexistent. A couple of main ago, I opened a fake Tinder profile because that her, even mentioning she to be married through one kid and also she obtained 43 responses in ~ 24 hours!!!! Then ns thought, what is wrong v me…?

The just thing that I’m really into sexually… is huge boobs. However, she is an extremely reluctant about the idea. In ~ some allude when she said me she would think around breast augmentation, mine sex drive went full throttle and also we had actually sex for three days in a row. As soon as she came back to phone call me she decided versus it, ns felt so upset the we have actually not had any kind of sex or intimate contact ever since.

I love her deeply and also I really want to make her happy, come the point that i am thinking about opening the marriage so she can fulfill her desire with an additional person. Yet at the same time ns feel for this reason bad around not being able to be with her.

I have actually seen a therapist who suggested toys and also kinky ingredient in the bedroom, but my mam is really vanilla. She requirements normal sex, with no toys, in common frequency and with orgasm guaranteed. After plenty of conversations, us concluded the these demands could not it is in met and really likely our marriage will come to be a sexless marriage, i beg your pardon she type of “accepted.” Then once she started ovulating, she put then sex ago on the table and also became an extremely angry and disappointed.

She met this guy in the gym, he is definitely flirting through her and when ns tell her that it would be yes sir if she spends some time v him, she panics and call it off.

In summary, she does not want the boob job and she does not want to be v someone else. Every time us argue about something, it might be around anything (how ns forgot to obtain the groceries), she bring it back to sex and then apologizes for overreacting.

Where is this going? What should I think (or do)?


Dear BH,

The outlook below looks quite grim, to be honest. You and your wife an extremely obviously want fully different points from marriage. You want her to be someone she is not, that is kinky and likewise who it s okay a boob job. She wants you to it is in affectionate and sexually responsive in ~ the border of vanilla sex and monogamy. Both the you space going to stay frustrated uneven someone can compromise.

I wonder around how you grew up and also what her expectations room for marriage. Go you see a loving, physical affectionate marriage in between your parents? did she? It would be exciting to think about the ways that each of you implicitly thinks that marital relationship should work. If, because that example, you prospered up see a loveless, sexless marriage (not that children know it’s sexless in ~ the time, but there is a feeling you obtain when her parents never touch every other), climate that may be impacting you currently on a subconscious level, and also pulling you away from your wife.

Also, why did you marry your wife if she boobs weren’t to her liking and also that’s her main emphasis sexually? how was your self-esteem together a younger man? I deserve to envision a instance where a guy is shy approximately women and feels he has to “settle” for the very first woman that would sleep v him. In the case, the male would most likely feel cheated the the endure of being v a woman the he’s genuinely attracted to. However, you say that at first the sex to be amazing, therefore I need to assume the you to be able to emphasis on more than boobs at part point.

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If you can’t acquire past your absence of attraction, and your mam doesn’t desire an open up marriage, it might be time to take into consideration divorce. It would be hell because that your wife to it is in constantly rejected by you throughout the plenty of long upcoming years of your marriage, and you sound pretty unhappy yourself. But prior to that, ns strongly encourage you and your wife to give counseling one more shot. Possibly if she sees how essential it is come you, she can try some kinkier, but still monogamous sex. And also on her end, i wonder even if it is you have a similar feeling of discontent in various other life areas. Space you someone because that whom nothing is ever great enough, someone who is always looking because that the next, new, interesting thing? If so, it would certainly be good to introspect around whatever in your very own personality might be staying clear of you from fully enjoying your wife, especially because you offered to discover her attractive back in the day.

Best the luck, and also keep me posted. It spins we meet again, i remain, The Blogapist who Says, She Should totally Get v The hot Guy at The Gym.