My daughter wants to wear a push-up bra. However a push-up bra because that a 13-year-old? She cases that anyone is attract one, and I have to agree. Every one of her friends seem to wear push-up bras, and also the moms nothing seem to have actually a problem with it. I feeling 13 is too young because that push-up bras. I desire my 13-year-old to favor herself as she is quite than beginning so early on with, “I to be not an excellent enough.” Am i over reacting?


EXPERT | Deborah Gilboa, MD

You room not overreacting. “All mine friends are doing it!” is a cliché an answer for a reason. Her values are admirable and also important, and your daughter’s convictions space developmentally appropriate.

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Why her Request renders Sense Developmentally:

1. Desire come fit in

Most kids, age 10-15, face a huge amount of apprehension in their daily social lives. “Normal” is so broad and hard to define. Throughout puberty, normal includes a wide range of physical advancement and beauty beauty ideals. Regardless of this array of normal, young teenagers are mainly wired for peer uniformity.

They have actually a strong desire to conform and a desperate should avoid looking or exhilaration weird. Some children start to use language they’ve never used before, numerous adopt brand-new hobbies or activities, and most feel that without some new piece of modern technology they might as well die. The soot is real for each boy in that moment.

Our response, together parents, is to view the forest for the trees. Several of their interests or purchases may be appropriate. Others are not. Nothing bow to the “but anyone else…” pressure. It’s generally not true, and it definitely doesn’t matter. You’re only raising your child (luckily).

2. Desire for independence

Your daughter is worried about fitting in. But, she is also probably worried that you are denying she the press up bra she needs because you space blocking her attempts to prosper up and also away native you. She is more than likely worried the you check out her as a baby and also will never allow her execute these things or something else that she wants to do.

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How to take care of Her Request

Express your factors for speak no, and also ask her daughter come express her reasons for wanting one of these changes. If I suggest that friend don’t interact in a never-ending debate, I would encourage girlfriend to give your daughter the chance to assemble her arguments, and also give her a chance to readjust your mind. In ~ the finish of she explanation, check out if over there is a valid reason (from your allude of view) because that her inquiry for young push-up bras or the following request ~ above the docket.

She could surprise you. You could learn something new about her view, and she might learn something around your values. One of two people way, friend will have actually the possibility to show her respect and also to collection the phase for future disagreements. For sure, you will aid her accomplish some future score by to teach her just how to disagree respectfully v someone in authority!